Saturday, November 04, 2006


Compleat Thoughts

Two seasons in the head of a random fan

from the archives of

09-18-2006, 02:12 AM
Mathematically eliminated.

Don't mess with Pythagoras. The dude knows baseball.

According to my calculations, the team gave up a week after the fans did.

Remember when we wondered why fans weren't turning out for a pennant-contending team?

Remember when everyone said Kearns would be better than Dunn?

Cincinnati in September feels like Kansas City in April.

The Reds have improved from awful to disappointing.

It's a good thing they signed the TV contract when they did.

Maybe this is the Steve Stewart curse.

Milt Pappas would be the No. 3 starter on this team.

09-08-2006, 04:00 PM
Teed off.

The good news is that 16 of our last 22 games are against teams with a losing record.

The bad news is that all of our games are with a team with a losing record.

Dunn would walk through hell in a gasoline suit to play a round of golf.

At first, "Charlie Hustle" was not a compliment.

Paul Wilson is the scheduled starter for the terrorism drill, because he's pitched in so many simulated games.

The best thing about golf is that there's no strike zone.

Most sports are a silly combination of useless skills.

"If our enemies decide to throw rocks at us, the best men of our village will take these sticks and hit the rocks back at the marauders."

"Some of our men have been able to achieve this nearly one-third of the time."

I wonder what Castellini's next letter to the players will say?

09-04-2006, 01:39 AM

The good thing about being a fan is that you always would have brought in the right pitcher.

Ryan Freel is so fast that he dives just to slow down so he can catch the ball.

Twelve years is a long time for a TV contract. Will there even be TVs in 12 years?

Griffey's salary should be coming off the books about then.

Castellini must be looking at the Marlins and wondering why the bad owners get the good teams.

Things to do next year: Meaningful games in October.

08-08-2006, 02:34 AM

August 6, 2006: "Blow it up, Wayne. Make it yours."

August 7, 2006: "You blew it, Wayne. Up yours."

Is this the team that took two of three from the Braves, or was that the Mexico City Reds?

I know it's against the law, but if you lose by more than a forfeit you should forfeit that day's pay.

Maybe the NL wild card should go to the next best AL team.

Let's hope the despair of a horrible game fades as quickly as the momentum of an amazing comeback.

Maybe we should back off and let Jerry Narron go back to making out lineups that make no sense.

Who wants to call Bob Castellini tonight and find out if he's getting any sleep?

Anybody else pitching with an arm that needs season-ending surgery?

Maybe the Cardinals have another eight-game losing streak in them.

Caveat Emperor should be the play by play man in "Major League IV."

We could be PirateZone.

08-02-2006, 02:41 AM
By the book.

How come the season's never over when the Cards lose?

Jerry Narron plays it by the book, it's just not our book.

Fans boo because the only weapon they have is a blunt instrument.

As someone once told the fans, "We will not rest until you're happy."

But sometimes we sound like Yankees fans.

Instead of teams that are winning raiding the players of teams that are losing, shouldn't it be the other way around?

Baseball cards might be more popular now if they had those party pictures from the bars.

It seems that the man who couldn't replace Ozzie Smith can't replace Felipe Lopez.

Well, he blew it up and he made it his. Now what?

07-19-2006, 02:02 AM

After a game like that, a manager should bench himself.

Show up early the next day for extra managing practice.

Learn how to manage the game "the right way."

See the trainer about the stiffness in the arm he uses to signal the bullpen.

But we only complain about leaving the starter in until the bullpen comes in.

If you were a Reds player, would you read RedsZone?

Politely, professionally and respectfully, I sure would like to interview Krivsky and Narron.

No grand slam is ever one bad pitch.
07-14-2006, 12:50 PM
A trade that hurts both teams.

The trades will continue until morale improves.

"Blow it up, Wayne. Make it yours."

Castro's big hits are making it hard for me to bellyache about him.

"When you trade a long-time favorite, (t)he fans vow never to enter the park again; a few zealots even picket the park.... The next time the Yankees are in town for a Sunday doubleheader, they're all there pleading for two tickets behind first base."

From Tim Foley to Mariano Duncan to Jeff Branson to Tim Hummel to Juan Castro to Royce Clayton, the unbroken line of Reds shortstops continues.

For now, he's One Day at a Time Eddie.

We just didn't get enough bums back for the bums we gave up.

07-03-2006, 12:29 PM
The fire department.

For all the good it did to turn around the team's fortunes in the next games, Adam Dunn's grand slam might as well have been just another point in his batting average.

Cincinnati Bell called. It wants its money back from the Call to the Bullpen sponsorship.

One of Dante's lesser-known works is about a manager who knows how bad his bullpen is but has to keep calling on them anyway.

Would the fan in section 405, row 3, seat 2 report to the Guest Services area to begin warming up?

I've heard about a version of baseball they play in some towns where the relief pitcher goes the whole inning without giving up a run.

Concessions should be half off when the bullpen is pitching.

If I met David Weathers in public, I'd shake his hand, let him know how much I respect what he's given to the game, and then tell him his family must miss him and he should spend more time with them.

Maybe the baseball gods allow Cincinnati to have only so much pitching, and as the starters get better the bullpen is doomed to get worse.

If Edwin Encarnacion plays any better in Louisville, he'll be beyond baseball shape and into All-Star shape.

Heck, strain everybody's ankles.

06-28-2006, 12:59 PM

I went to college with Jay Mariotti and he hasn't changed much.

But I wouldn't call him or anyone else a British cigarette.

Jerry Narron's record with the Reds is .002 lower than Lou Piniella's career record.

Did they have to redo his contract to get Wily Mo to play first?

Do you think Tony Womack is being rushed to AAA?

Who's your favorite bum? The player you liked but everyone else knew he stunk?

If the Reds make the playoffs, no one will remember how weak the division was.

Didn't the Cardinals' slide start when Pujols returned?

Bob Dylan singing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" sounds like somebody's idea of a joke, but the CD is sold at the Hall of Fame.

I hope Jerry Narron doesn't think he's being rewarded for leavng Eric Milton in too long.

But we complain about Milton until we complain about the bullpen.

06-09-2006, 01:49 AM

Being in first place is like eating in the Diamond Club, you just try to act you like you belong there.

Is David Ross the new Chris Denorfia?

Or just his Robin?

The only thing that can stop this team is if Major League Baseball cancels the season because it ran out of players.

Drug testing is like the restrictor plate in NASCAR.

There's something pure about pushing yourself as far as you can.

Except for the dangers and illegality and stuff.

And the 7-foot, 300-pound shortstop who hits .400.

There's something freakish about how much Reds fans love their general manager.

It's like dude, whatever, sign a couple more catchers if you want.

Would Marty Brennaman and George Grande cancel each other out like matter and anti-matter?

It's a good thing Marty's father didn't have friends name Sherm and Mo.

Ryan Freel should have been one of those plastic players on little pegs in the electric football game that would go around in circles and bang into the walls.

If God is on our side, is he old-school or SABR?

05-24-2006, 04:00 PM
Lineup construction.

The Reds are the only team with three catchers and nine first basemen.

Neither one will ever deserve it, but I'd like to see Jerry Narron drag Todd Coffey the length of the dugout.

Tom Glavine should have whispered to Danny Graves to get some sleep, get to the park early, and work on his fastball.

We apparently cared more about Graves' career than he allegedly did.

Drawing a walk with three balls is off the charts scrappy.

It's amazing that Johnny Bench played 111 games in the outfield.

I wonder if anyone would want a rotation of Dave Williams, Josh Hancock, Rob Bell and Brett Tomko?

05-05-2006, 02:19 AM

Jerry Narron's lineups are making a mockery of our criticisms.

I wish 15 days of vacation lasted as long as 15 days on the DL.

Be careful, Aaron Harang's hitting totals might be skewed by the Coors Field effect.

Somewhere in advertising there's a person who's getting a huge raise because "the baseball fans are repeating our catchphrases."

Makes me long for the cow-hating people of Hamburg.

Adam Dunn will probably go into the Hall of Fame wearing a John Deere cap.

We were once Kansas City, and Kansas City was once us.

First basemen are the paper clips of baseball. You should never buy any because someone is always giving you one.

Sports fans should support the arts because your team will get more respect when people are writing poems, plays and songs about you.

05-01-2006, 02:15 AM
Strikeouts hurt your feelings.

People who thought the Reds would win 70 will be upset if they only win 80.

What if Griffey's been Wally Pipped?

The Marlins are getting double in revenue sharing what they're spending on payroll.

If we had a dollar for everyone who ever thought they were getting the game but didn't, we could buy our own satellite.

It's not easy being the boss of somebody who's already in the Hall of Fame.

We would have had world peace by now but the argument keeps going back to Dunn's strikeouts.

The player who has made the most final outs of the game with the tying or winning run on is Derek Jeter.

I hope the Reds aren't playing so well at the trading deadline that they don't feel the need to make a move.

04-25-2006, 02:18 AM
Absence of choke.

Baseball is more fun when you can't remember who you disagree with.

The story you tell your grandchildren is just another data point.

The Zone is defined by the times you aren't in it.

Was DiMaggio in the Zone?

If you play every game like it's the seventh game of the World Series, you'll burn out your clutch.

Trying to measure clutch is like counting the holes in the Albert Hall.

In 1968, when Bob Gibson pitched 13 shutouts, someone found a way to beat him nine times.

I dreamt I saw a Reds turn-the-clock-ahead jersey with Gabe White's name on it.

In some families, Elizardo and Bronson are nice names for babies.

Extended spring training must be like summer school.

The real question is, how many home runs would Babe Ruth have hit if he'd had a massage therapist in the dugout?

04-19-2006, 02:05 AM

Don't worry, he's just week-to-week.

It's not the hitter-friendly ballpark, it's the hitter-friendly pitching.

It's not the lack of hitting with runners in scoring position, it's the too-much pitching with runners in scoring position.

Right now Bob Castellini is like the guy with the vegetable stand in the movie with the chase scene.

Think about how hard it is to be a cheerleader on a night like that.

Castellini was the one who said, "If the fans ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."

Check the back of your ticket and see if it implies you'll be seeing Major League Baseball.

Next game everybody on the third base side chant "SHACK-EL" and everybody on the first base side chant "FORD NOW."

I no longer feel sorry for Joe Girardi.

Losing 100 games also means more than two solid months of victories.

The Cardinals should pay Sean Casey for the rights to the Bounce.

In Bizarroworld, the St. Louis announcers spend all their time criticizing Albert Pujols and praising Adam Dunn.

The game sure has changed since the pitchers gave up the steroids.

If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, people still won't believe it if you don't have the blood test.

04-04-2006, 02:16 AM

If we loved them more would they play better?

The Reds should have put up more three-pointers there at the end.

Adam Dunn has played 531 games in leftfield better than he did that one.

Now the Reds will have to go 81 and 80 the rest way of the way to finish at .500.

But they have to keep their ERA under 7.00 to have a chance.

Do you know the name of the team that Who, What and I Don't Know played for?

This game should be final proof that sac flies are random.

Right now would be a good time to sign Dunn to an even longer contract.

Bob Castellini said he wouldn't rest until the fans are happy, but the Geneva Conventions limit how long a person can be made to go without sleep.

Maybe he's on the phone to the sabremetrics company to order a new batch of numbers.

Of course, fans in Cincinnati have been spoiled ever since that year the team went undefeated.

That's why we're on the yelling, stomping, kicking-the-dog and going-Elvis-on-the-TV-set side of the scoreboard.

04-01-2006, 02:36 AM

Opening Day reminder: Just because you have a parade, that doesn't mean you get to win.

All other things being equal, would you vote Alex Sanchez into the Hall of Fame?

The worst part is, they could erase Bonds' records from the 2000 season and the Reds wouldn't have won any more games.

Or maybe that's the good news.

What if there were steroids in the spit that Gaylord Perry put on the ball? Huh? What about that?

How many years would you be willing to spend in last place to rebuild the farm system so you could eventually spend how many years in contention?

How much would lettuce cost at Kroger if Bob Castellini wanted to do both of the above at the same time?

Somebody should come up with an All-Options Team of the best players who aren't in the majors because of options.

Why do they say a player has options when the player has no choice?

How come nobody thinks about splitting up the righties?

03-22-2006, 01:49 AM

Ladies and gentlemen, meet the Cincinnati Krivskies.

Maybe Boston can redo Wily Mo's contract and trade him back to us.

There's no point in having all this hitting if the pitchers don't win, and no point in trading for pitching if you're not going to win anyway.

Repeat until your head explodes.

Anyway, it's only Wily Mo. It's not like we're trading Lee May.

Although it's hard to believe Wily Mo was signed by three teams by the time he was 17.

To win 90 games, you have to win 80.

If any other ballplayer did what Soriano did, he would be so grounded when he got home.

Maybe the Reds should sue the Hiroshima Carp for trademark infringement and demand a pitcher.

The Saber guys would have a much bigger impact if they could just get a hold of that cliche book the managers use.

03-13-2006, 02:11 AM
World, serious.

Don't feel bad, Japanese dudes, you're the real deal.

Sometimes the umpires remind us that baseball's nearly as subjective as ice dancing.

If baseball had brackets, nobody would be allowed in the Hall of Fame.

I won't believe there's steroids in baseball until I can buy the used needles on eBay.

Is it cheating if that thought was given to me by another RedsZoner?

I don't mind if Barry Bonds plays in the World Baseball Classic as long as he represents his own species.

What are the chances Joe Nuxhall will still be calling games when Wirfin Obispo makes it to the majors?

If Wirfin can pitch, let him, even if he is a Hobbit.

Don't feel bad, South African dudes, every baseball fan would love to be doing what you're doing.

03-07-2006, 10:10 PM
Speed limits.

One thing to consider is that Babe Ruth never got to bat against Eric Milton.

Speed gets tired.

Does Chris Hammond have a World Series ring from 1990 and does he let Griffey look at it?

Sometimes speed gets mud in its cleats.

Could Babe Ruth strike out Barry Bonds?

All too often, speed swings at a bad pitch and walks slowly back to the dugout.

The Reds are four players away from the pennant.

Unfortunately, those four players are on the Reds.

03-05-2006, 12:29 AM
On the quiz.

Say what you want about Edwin Encarnacion, but he can get himself on, get himself over, and get himself in.

Maybe if he dyed his hair gray and kind of moseyed to his position he'd get more playing time.

Why isn't Jason LaRue playing for the French team?

Socratic irony: A black fly in your hemlock.

When do they give the quiz on knowing how to play the game?

If Ohio gets to keep the Nationals name, the Nationals should call themselves Washington Courthouse.

Has anyone besides Minnie Minoso ever had more separate times with the same team than Gabe White with the Reds?

It should tell you something that Pete Rose knew more about baseball than any man alive and lost money betting on it.

The Reds' defense and pitching dilemma is like the guy who says, "If we had some meat we could have a sandwich if we had some bread."

The reason pitchers never tell you when they're hurt is because they're always sore.

When I compare being a baseball fan today to what it was like when I was a kid I feel like Fred Jetson.

02-24-2006, 02:29 AM
L33t 5p34k.

I wonder if Wayne Krivsky knows enough L33t 5p34k for the doods in the chat.

We put up with a lot and we can get used to "Eddie Encarceration."

Joe didn't mean it in a bad way, Senora E.

"Moses departing the Red C" should be in Cooperstown next to Abbott and Costello.

Any team that finishes sixth should spend the next year in AAA.

Baseball needs more names like the Perfectos and the Superbas.

Like the Competitives, the Upsides and the Knowers of How to Win.

Randy Johnson brushed back Johnny Damon and Don Zimmer's head exploded.

The Reds will be paying on Griffey's deferred contract 13 years after the world ends.

The Brewers are going for the ball-in-glove uniforms, while the Reds need to get some ball-in-glove gloves.

02-18-2006, 04:01 PM

Who gets to be the one to call the Waynester this time and pretend to be "Ken from 407"?

The long-term contract for Dunn worked out better than the we thought. We should have asked for more.

We could probably get a leather recliner for Ryan Freel because he plays so hard.

How much do you have to prepare for the first base coach interview?

Announcers and sportswriters should know better, but I can kind of forgive the fans for being fond of the give-110 percent archetype that Pete Rose invented.

It's actually kind of a good thing that people are disappointed they didn't get Reds tickets.

It's good that fans don't have to make weight by pitchers and catchers day.

Since it comes right after the Girl Scout cookies.

Squeaky, meet Tuffy. Tuffy, Squeaky.

02-10-2006, 10:17 PM
Chat is open.

Lyndon Johnson was known to nominate somebody else if your name was leaked to the press.

Now that we have Wayne, who gets to be Garth?

Timo, Tony, then Oliver?

Who knew that Reds caps were like totally fly and stuff?

Maybe we can sell the questions we came up with to the Washington Nationals fans.

Alternatives to Gapper: Squibber, Sinking Liner, Foul Pop, Can O’Corn, Get’em On, Get’em Over and Get’em In, Loud Strike, Walk-Off Homer, Sac Fly...

If Hal doesn’t do the html on the Dayton Daily News home page I want to know who does.

When you bet on a game, you’re not betting on the game, you’re betting against a guy who’s betting with your money.

It’s amazing that the Reds announcer during the era of the original Big Red Machine was just traded for Oswald the Rabbit.

According to Baseball America the Reds farm system will be sold at auction by the sheriff as soon as they can get the rusted pickup out of the field.

01-23-2006, 02:27 AM

Is it too early to start

I wonder how his first day compares to that of other owners in Reds history?

If only his produce buyers could find a farm that grows big ol' country boys who throw 95 mph for 20 years.

It would have been cool if Castellini had dropped some VORP and PECOTA on the local scribes.

Will Castellini be misspelled more often than Lindner?

Does anybody remember when hardly anybody knew who the owner was?

Nobody comes to the ballpark to see the owner own.

Is there a metric for fan happiness?

If you had a job in baseball what's the one thing fans would heckle you about?

If you don't have pitching, everyone sits around waiting for the game to start.

01-17-2006, 03:02 AM
Property of Major League Baseball.

If we have to pay for statistics, maybe the new Reds owners will spring for some better ones.

I'll trade you a Pat Rosenberg for an Abner Dean and a Houston Carnes.

The Cincinnatians defeated the Pittsburghers, lots to zilch.

The winners were scoring in bunches, while the losers put up goose eggs.

Candy Cummings wants to know when we're going to pay for all those curve balls.

Signing a player to a long-term contract is like buying Apple after the iPod.

Maybe the Reds could pay their pitchers a day rate.

What if we just let Bill James vote on the Hall of Fame?

12-28-2005, 02:47 AM

Announcers who like to say "Get 'em on, get 'em over, get 'em in" spend too much time on "get 'em over" and not enough on "get 'em on" and "get 'em in."

The only thing more aggravating than giving away outs to move a runner over is when the defense does it.

Has anyone accounted for the loss in revenue due to the drop in concession sales because of the shorter games now that Sean Casey is not in the lineup?

Small ball makes the inning smaller.

The only ones who can manufacture more runs than the Reds hitters are the Reds pitchers.

If we signed our e-mails "Mom 'n' 'em" could we turn Marty into a SABR-head?

How do we make "don't give away outs" as ubiquitous as "if you're swinging, you're dangerous" or "tie goes to the runner"?

Anyone remember the game against the Rockies when Scott Williamson entered the ninth with the bases empty and a one run lead, only to hit the batter, throw wildly on a pick-off attempt, sending the runner to third, then uncork a wild pitch for the tying run and on the next pitch give up a home run to lose the game?

Anyone remember the batter?

The only bad thing about being able to sign a player nobody else can afford is that nobody else can afford it.

Is a hard cap a salary helmet?

Maybe Cleveland will call theirs the YEP network.

If every team has its own TV network, the Yankees will still be lapping the field moneywise.

A baseball team owning a TV network is like the chickens owning the fox.

12-16-2005, 02:31 PM
The front office.

When the Mets overpay, everybody overpays.

Our only hope is that the Cardinals' new ballpark has the same effect as the Reds' new ballpark.

TeamCasey now known as TeamMiltpappas.

MattyMo4Life now known as MattyMo4Sale.

For some reason, the Bensons remind me of the Roses.

If you were in a professional setting, making small talk with some business people, and one of them was Dan O'Brien, how would you express your disappointment?

Yankees games may start looking like Red Sox Oldtimers Night.

When it comes to world series, Reds fans know how Cubans feel.

If you were the GM, what move would you make that's most likely to be ripped apart on RedsZone?

11-21-2005, 01:49 AM
Game thread.

When did Cincy become the 'Nati?

Note to Marketing: Sean Casey's Baseball Bunch.

If we sign Pokey, maybe we can get Dmitri to play some third.

If Theo Epstein were GM of the Reds, which fan favorite would he trade and lose his job over?

Among baseball announcers, who's the SABR-savviest?

The new owners might make some changes, but it looks like we get to keep the Banana Phone.

It's not that we want a homer, but we want an announcer who complains less than we do.

We already have half of the Marlins Plan -- the part about being bad for several years.

It's not the money you have to pay to get a pitcher, it's the money you have to pay to get him to leave.

If we ran the game thread through voice software, we could listen to the game for free.

10-01-2005, 08:09 PM
Used to be a ballpark.

I hate to see the last of the concrete bowl stadiums go down. Now all we have are cookie-cutter retro ballparks.

What's replacement value for a manager?

Pythagoras is dead. Just throw strikes.

The Reds have a 1975 offense without a 2004 pitching staff.

How do you keep from getting taken by agents when they know how desperate you are for pitching?

If only the Reds had Aaron Small and Shawn Chicon, they'd be in the playoffs.

Each team should be allowed to designate one contract a year as the "anti-franchise" player and buy out the contract for a $1 million.

Dude, it's a million dollars, and you were terrible.

09-12-2005, 01:53 AM

If it's so difficult to hit a baseball, why is it so hard to find good pitching?

And why didn't expansion water down the hitting?

Is there still time to vote for Barry Bonds as Comeback Player of the Year?

It's frightening that Henry Aaron no longer leads his team in home runs for a season.

Rooting against Aurelia and Ortiz is like tanking to get a lottery pick.

I'll still be a Reds fan when Steve Stewart is an old bitter guy who hardly ever talks about the game anymore.

Yeah well, our short A club can whip yours.

08-16-2005, 02:45 PM

If you had a billion dollars, would you:

Build hospitals for sick kids.

Start a business that brings jobs to your town.

Star in your own reality show.

Give your money to millionaire ballplayers.

What would happen if sportswriters were ranked according to the accuracy of their trade rumors?

I guess it's time to stop printing those wild card tickets.

When it's raining, you can't fix the roof. When the sun is shining, you don't need to fix the roof. Or trade Griffey.

08-01-2005, 01:41 AM

Sometimes it's the four or five trades you don't make.

Headline: Disappointed fans demand fire sale

Dump salary; trade stars, they plead

All you need to know about Manny Ramirez is that he once lost a $15,000 earring in Syracuse.

On the basepaths.

Jerry Coleman was inducted into the Hall of Fame.

Somewhere Dave Winfield's head has stopped rolling.

Shouldn't you need only one "veteran leader"?

Chicks did the long ball, but real women like on-base percentage.

Here's a picture of Sean Casey's new pickup truck, a slightly modified Ford F-450.

But I think he needs to get a different hobby for the off-season.

07-02-2005, 10:57 PM
Boomer’s curse.

What if MLB agrees with Casey’s grievance and makes them play the doubleheader over?

Today, Ramon Ortiz gets the Quality Restart.

For the money they’re paying, the Yankees could afford four whole teams that are just as bad.

Schadenfreude was not Marge’s middle name, but it might as well have been.

Now it’s Steinbrenner’s.

It’s the curse of David Wells.

The Yankees haven’t won a World Series in this century, if you’re picky about the year zero thing.

I can’t believe they’ve tampered with the hallowed traditions of the Home Run Derby.

Who do you like in the All-Star game’s On-Base Percentage Derby?

Does Dan O’Brien get credit for the wins?

Anyone want to list an all-DFA team?

06-08-2005, 02:46 AM
Interleague play.

It looks like Randy Keisler has invented a new stat: the quality restart.

But how many sac flies does he have?

Does this mean Dave Miley's job is safe?

What are the odds that Miley will play this lineup two days in a row?

I'd still like to see Lopez hitting second.

Reds and D-Rays: Now that's what interleague play is all about.

At least we know how the Tampa Bay fans feel.

Both of them.

What would Steinbrenner do?

05-30-2005, 01:43 AM
The Heywoods.

If we're going to get on Adam Dunn for not getting RBIs, we should let him make out the lineup card.

Near as I can tell from George and Chris, getting rid of Danny Graves was a mistake the Reds should have made sooner, or something.

The team really responded with Aurilia in the lineup, maybe he should play more.

Danny Graves could buy at least one share of the Reds with the last two years salary.

The scary thing is John Kruk was the player Billy Beane wanted to be.

I wonder what the run differential would be if the rotation had two Miltons and two Harangs.

Maybe Justin Timberlake is more of a SABR guy.

Whatever happened to Bo Donaldson? Now there was a pop star Cincinnati could be proud of.

05-21-2005, 12:39 AM
The Cleveland model.

Who knew that putting William Bergolla in the lineup would make such a difference?

Is this proof that even a team that loses 100 games will win a solid two months' worth of games?

Would you be willing to lose 105 games if it meant the Reds have found the ace they haven't had since maybe Browning?

Would you rather have Harang as a pitcher or as the pitching coach?

Right now, would you rather have Wagner or Graves as the closer?

Remember, baseball is a steeplechase and not a derby, or something.

The offense with baseball's worst batting average met the pitching staff with baseball's worst batting average against.

But who cares about batting averages?

Remember when "the Cleveland model" was the new hotness?

Remember when Cleveland was this bad for 30 years in a row?

Is it true the Reds are going to sign a 13-year-old girl who's coming off arm surgery, to shore up the bullpen?

If the front office ran things like Dave Miley makes the lineups, Miley would be fired tomorrow.

05-02-2005, 02:39 AM
Loss column.

For some reason, today feels like the day they make the spring training cuts.

The Reds are ahead of the Yankees in the all-important loss column.

Which one will end up winning more games?

Which manager will get fired first?

The Reds are leading the Ohio division.

It's not the pitching. We just don't have an offense that can score 14 runs a game.

Nothing is ever the worst in baseball. There's always something that's been worse.

The major league player who got caught the most times by the hidden ball trick is Ozzie Guillen.

What would Sparky do?

04-19-2005, 01:58 AM

You get the freshest ones here.

The word "closer" means closing down the other team, not letting the other team get closer.

There's blowing a save, then there's inflating a save until everyone in the ballpark holds their collective breath while waiting for the save to burst.

Notice how it's possible to post a negative comment without attacking a player personally.

But to be fair we should let the players come in here and heckle us for our posts that turn out ridiculously wrong.

Poster X can go a strong five innings before losing his zip.

Poster Y has been accused of betting on his own son.

Poster Z has a plus optimism but lacks supporting stats.

Steinbrenner probably knew the Yankees were playing the Devil Rays next when he made his Bluto-from-"Animal House" speech.

He should have waited until they played a tough team like the Mets.

Rooting for the Yankees is like rooting for the rich kids in the movie "Meatballs."

Every umpire has a word that will get you thrown out of the game. One umpire's word was ... "You." Players and managers could yell all they wanted about what a lousy, no-good call it was, but as soon as they turned it into "You --" no matter what came next, the line had been crossed and they were out of the game.

Those are five losses the best pitchers in the game won't be getting back.

It's great to be a presence in the clubhouse but the game is played on the field.

03-20-2005, 02:51 AM
End of story.

When people say "Nuff said," they don't stop talking.

This is the time of year when teams work out in warm sunny places to get ready to play in cold wet places.

Most pitchers need to stop working on new pitches and work on the pitches they've got.

When people say "Just saying," they never say what they're really saying.

If the Reds go to Arizona, they should name the stadium for Dernell Stenson.

Sorry Mark, the Hall of Fame is in the past. Let's not talk about it.

If a pitcher on steroids faces a batter on steroids, who wins?

Maybe Gullett could fix Kerry Wood.

If Ty Cobb were on the ballot today, knowing what you know, would you vote for him?

It's a shame that Congress was holding hearings about steroids when so many important things are going on in the world. Maybe next week they can conquer terrorism, end the war in Iraq and fix Social Security.

If baseball were like basketball, home runs would be worth three and the ninth inning would be filled with guys getting hit by pitches, or something.

When people say "End of story," it never is.

02-21-2005, 01:48 PM
Cowboy down.

How come no one's turning to Jim Edmonds to save baseball?

New position needed in baseball: Visa coach.

The Red Sox need to cowboy down and baseball up.

I don't much care for what A-Rod has done for baseball, but he wouldn't be in the top 10 of guys to despise.

Yet anyway.

Statheads win one: When Canseco said he hit a double in spring training 2001 and had a conversation with Bret Boone about steroids, records showed that he never reached second against the Mariners that spring.

There's no asterisk after Pete Rose's records, just one behind Rose.

I can't wait for the season to start so we can argue about the lineup.

01-31-2005, 02:42 AM
Dating myself.

Does anyone remember when Pete Rose was a mouthy singles hitter who thought he deserved $100,000 a year?

Joe DiMaggio was a cold fish who spent too much time with showgirls and Frank Sinatra.

And Mickey Mantle was no DiMaggio.

Willie Mays? Just a showoff.

Does anyone remember when $100,000 was too much to spend for a ballplayer?

I'm dating myself... but my self wants to see other people.

If overnight all the Reds were Nationals and all the Nationals were Reds, who would you root for?

Thanks to El Guapo and the Boston fans, RedsZone got to know what it feels like to be big market.

When Adam Dunn goes into the Hall of Fame, we'll wonder why people used to complain about his strikeouts.

That, and why he's wearing a Las Vegas Bandits cap.

Will Mike Piazza's marriage last longer than Johnny Bench's?

With this outfield and pitching staff, would you rather have Frank Robinson or Milt Pappas?

Would you rather have someone who is gifted in the field, or a presence in the clubhouse?

This year at the All-Star Game: Sac Fly Derby.

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